Finding Forgiveness

I've been thinking lately. Yea I know it sounds weird because I am ALWAYS thinking, but I've been thinking about forgiveness lately. Me and my ex-boyfriend got into this huge argument over the things that happened in the past, and he asked me how many times does a person have to say sorry before you can believe them? (mind you this is the same person that asked me why I was so pitiful not even 2 minutes before this question) So, what is the answer? Once? Twice?Or is it the 50th like the many times he has told me? I have been telling myself for the past year that I forgave him. I am trying to move past it, but it seems as though I relive every moment of it everday. I guess that means I haven't. I thought I could put a bandaid over cancer and be okay. I try to cover up the pain, but I still feel it. It is still there. So how do you get rid of it? How do you move on? He says 95 percent of our conversations are about the past and I thought about it and they are. That is so sad. He has grown and moved on, but I am still holding on to a problem that I don't even own. I can't wait for that day that I look back and just burst into laughter for how bad I beat myself up about things. I have faith in that day and thinking of that day is what keeps me in motion. Just the thought that one day I will be okay.

Quote from a friend: "...yea, you haven't forgiven him because when you have forgiven someone you never mention it again." -Monica